dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize