she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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