Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
