My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
