Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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