suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
