the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
