I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
