She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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