im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
