I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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