we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
