guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
