Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
