Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
