You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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