This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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