is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
