I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
