I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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