I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
