I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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