good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
