just tell him i said nine months
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize