My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
