Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
