My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
