So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize