so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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