TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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