It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
