In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
