shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
