why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
