She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
