You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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