Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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