what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
