I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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