I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
