if only i could text you this smell
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
