You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
