I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
