There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
