Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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