I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
