My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize