Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
