oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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