I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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