ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
