Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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