I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Randomize
