But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
