dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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