Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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