i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
