My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
now i know why i became what i already was.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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