I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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