My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
