I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
