now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
