If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
