is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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