I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
