You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
