Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize