Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
