My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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