i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
