I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
