I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Vodka?
Forever.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
