Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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