So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
