somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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