Me too!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
