I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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