If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
