On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
no, he came in my armpit
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize