First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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