I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
