You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
