Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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