Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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